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The definitive host: July 2009

The definitive host

de·fin·i·tive host (duh-fin'eh-tiv) n. 1) An organism where a parasite undergoes the adult and sexual stages of its reproductive cycle 2) Someone you go to for interesting stories and/or facts, and puts on one hell of a dinner party 3) This blog, devoted to science and other geeky subjects

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Chapter 2 - The Lab

Few updates before we get to the meat of this post.

- I had my 25th birthday on July 24th. Went to work, but ended up going out with people afterwards, and had a good time. Thakns to everyone who was there, you guys rock!
- The weather in Ottawa is f-ed up. We have had rain almost every day for 2 weeks.
- I have discovered scientist tweeters on Twitter. LOVE IT!

ANd now, after a much delayed release, here is the third part in my ongoing web-novel series entitled, "The Black." I have decided to name the posts in which they are featured the titles of the chapters (for easier reference).

Here are the Prelude and Chapter 1


Chapter 2

I finally arrived at work, a full 20 minutes late, but there was a huge line at the security checkpoint.

“Shit, Dr. Thomson is going to be pissed,” I said to myself.

Quick side note: Security was always such a big deal for ANUBIS. I mean, it’s understandable, as we dealt with many pending patents and experimental drugs. Seems like such a waste of time, as nothing ever happened … that is, until today.

“Hi John!” I said, as I passed thorough the metal detector to the next line, where John was examining everyone’s employee ID’s.

“Hey Roger. Man, you look like shit,” said John with a sly smirk on his face as he took my ID and scanned it into the machine.

John Johnson was a black man in his prime. His face was inviting and friendly, but his body would have made Achilles jealous. He was a very intimidating figure, and god help you if you got him angry. As John himself was so fond of saying, “If someone really pissed me off, I’d break them into three separate pieces.” And, the toothy smile that always followed that, made you really believe that he could, and probably would.

Naturally, I laughed and said, “Yeah, my alarm kicked my ass this morning. It was a tough night, you know?”

As if sensing my demeanor, John put his right hand on my left should and said softly, “You ok man?”

“I mean, I don’t want to pry, but heard about you and Rachel. I’m sorry. I know you loved her, and I feel terrible for introducing you to her.”

“You didn’t deserve what happened to you.”

John introduced me to Rachel at the Halloween party last year. Our costumes matched perfectly, I was Sherlock Holmes and she was Watson. It was like it was fate, which I never believed in before.

But, after all that happened next, how could I not?

“I’m okay man. It sucked for a bit, but the pain has slowly subsided,” I said, staring at the floor.

And John, in all his wisdom, knew not to press the issue and just gave me a pat on the back.

“You should hurry up,” he said. “I mean, you’re really, really late. Doctor Thomson is going to have your ass!!!!”

And with that, I bolted down the hallway and down the stairs to the underground Thompson lab. I jumped down the stairs as fast as I could, feeling the bones and tendons in my legs straining under the repeated movement. When I reached the sub-basement, I threw open the door and ran down the hall, took a left and then a right, finally reaching the lab door.

“Well Roger, I’m glad that you finally decided to show up,” said Dr. Thompson, with a visible scowl on his face.

That wasn’t anything new, as the balding man always scowled.

“I’m sorry sir,” I said, biting my tongue at the verbal abuse that my brain was screaming back at him. That was something I learned after a few very similar occurrences to these, when I was punished for my ‘disobedience.’

Honestly, you’d learn to hold your tongue too, if you had to clean out the monkey laxative experiment cages.

“Well, get back to work,” shouted Dr. Thompson. And he retreated to his office, where he slammed the door.

I then, after a sigh of relief, walked to my station and began getting ready for the day. I washed up, put on my lab coat, affixed the goggles to my head (for easy access should I need them), lay out my dissection kit, put on gloves and sterilized my work area.

I walked into the adjoining room and spoke to Jen, our other lab technician, whose sole responsibility is taking care of the animals.

Ahhh, Jen. She was very pretty, with light brown hair and caring eyes. As biologists, we’re not supposed to name the animals, but she always did (usually after celebrities). We had flirted back and forth occasionally, and I considered asking her out. But, then Rachel came into the mix.

Ever since Rachel and I broke up, there’s been a little bit of a resurgence in the flirting, but not by much. But, my attitude did perk up a little when I saw her.

“Hey Jen!” I said, smiling.

“Hey Roger!” she said in her lovely sing-songey voice.

“Wow, you look like shit.”

“Hahahaha,” I laughed. “John said the exact same thing.”

Jen smiled mischievously, which made her look even more attractive, and said, “Yeah, I know. He texted me a minute ago, and told me to tell you that.”

I gave her a mildly flirtatious grin, followed by a punch in the arm, with a dash of more force than was probably warranted.

“Let’s get back to work, shall we?”

“Fine, fine, you party pooper,” said Jen, rubbing her shoulder. “We have a few trials on tap for today, mostly with the Partridges and Brady’s.”

After noticing the confusion on my face, she added, “Remember, the P and B mice for the memory drug trial? I named the families the Partridges and the Brady’s.”

“Right, I remember.” I said. “Which are the control, and which are the trial mice?”

“The Brady’s are the trial mice, and they are located on lab bench 1”, said Jen.

“The Patridge’s are located on lab bench 2. The trial drug is located in the fridge with a ‘P’ label, and beside that is a vial of saline for the control mice with a ‘B.’”

“Thanks, darlin’,” I said with a smirk. “Same old deal, one shot into the spinal?”

“No problem, it’s my job! And you are right, 15 cc’s into the spinal cord,” she replied with a smile, as I turned and walked back into the main lab.

Seeing the two cages filled with rats, I grabbed both and placed them on my bench, before grabbing the medication.

In the fridge, there were two vials, B & P.

B was a new test drug called Agent 3266. Not the most catchy name, but if it works, the marketing guys would have a go at it. Beside it was the P vial, containing good old saline, for the control rats.

I took both vials out, put the in a holder and transported them to the lab bench.

Looking around, I realized I had forgotten where I left the most important piece of equipment.

“Hey Jen!” I yelled.

“Yeah?” came the voice from the other room.

“Where’s the auto-injector?”

“In the drawer with the orange tape on it!”

“Thanks!” I yelled.

I opened the drawer and saw it: the new painless auto-injector.

It was specifically purchased to eliminate unnecessary pain in lab animals, and as I was about to realize, humans too.

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Friday, July 24, 2009

Musings of A Manly (I HAD to use it as a title eventually!)

Well, it’s finally here. My 25th birthday.

What is age, but a number?

I’ll tell you what it is, it means I have survived 25 years on this planet without dying, 25 birthday-related near-catastrophes and most surprisingly, 25 terrible Canadian Winters.

What have I learned in my 25 years on this blue orb we call Earth? Frankly, a lot about animals and biology, a bit about math and chemistry and literally nothing about poetry or how the f#@$ you play Lacrosse.

So, in honour of the 25th Anniversary of my birth, here are 25 memories that I shall share with you. Keep in mind, they are not ranked in any particular order, this is strictly a stream of consciousness thing.

1) One of the first memories I can remember is making snowmen in kindergarten using cotton balls. Remember that? And was it just me, or did cotton fluff + glue + young kids = a BAD combination?

2) I broke my left clavicle (collar bone) in senior-kindergarten by falling off a stack of big wooden blocks. To this day, I am still unsure of how it happened. I remember falling and waking up at Sick Kids Hospital staring up at an X-Ray machine with glow-in-the-dark Ghostbusters stickers around it.

3) In my life, so far, I have broken my left collar bone, various toes and fingers, bruised a few ribs, dislocated my left shoulder and sprained my left and right ankles.

4) Last night, I watched old cartoon theme songs from the 80’s and 90’s. Such highlights included: Transformers, Sonic the Hedgehog, Captain Planet, Teddy Ruckspin, Batman: The Animated Series and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. In hindsight, I watched a LOT of TV as a kid. I suppose it was one of the quickest ways to silent two crying twins very quickly.

5) I once got lost at the Metro Toronto Zoo as a child. From what I remember, I was distracted looking at the gorilla’s, and by the time I turned around, my entire family was gone. So, using an intelligence far beyond my years, I found a security guard and proceeded to regale him with my story. As my Dad is so fond of saying, “we found him explaining, as only David can, the situation to a security guard.”

6) I used to want to be a paleontologist, as I was obsessed with dinosaurs when I was a kid (please see earlier post, David's First Love). That was my IDEAL dream job, but it fell to the wayside. However, it is still something I am immensely interested in.

7) I acted a lot when I was a child, especially in musicals (yeah, yeah). But I loved it. Something about being on stage and having everyone pay attention to you was thrilling. Most of them were school or camp plays. The two best roles I ever got, were being Captain Hook in Peter Pan (I loved being evil, and my brother was Smee. I’m not too sure how he swung that, as it was originally given to someone else. Always curious about how Daniel did that …) and the other role I loved was Benny in RENT (the rich apartment building owner). To be honest, I miss it.

8) The first adult book I ever read was Jurassic Park. Guess why? That's right ... DINOSAURS

9) I am a big fan of movies, as is everyone in my family. I will watch almost anything to completion, and most likely enjoy a part or two. However, there are only two movies that I have begun to watch, but never completed. The first is Starman with Jeff Bridges (sorry Dad) and the reasoning behind it is lost on me, as it was a long time ago. The second is Lawrence of Arabia with Peter O’Toole … and it was just too damn long and made me really, really thirsty.

10) More old television shows. Remember Fraggle Rock, Today’s Special, Thundercats and Denver the Last Dinosaur? That was high quality television … not like the crap out there today!

11) I started wearing glasses in grade 10, and I was amazed that I could see individual leaves on trees from a distance away. They were always greenish blobs with a trunk.

12) As an admitted science guy, people say that I must have loved Bill Nye the Science Guy. And it’s true, I enjoyed it. But, three other shows did not get enough credit: Inquiring Minds, The Magic School Bus and Beakman’s World (the best science show EVER).

13) I went to overnight camp a lot, and had a great time. One time in particular was not, however, as three days before Parent’s Day, I got a black fly bite on my left eye-lid. It swelled up like nobody’s business. I couldn’t see out of it, and it HURT. Luckily, I took some weird but great tasting medicine (tasted like banana) from the health centre and I was better just in time to see my parents.

14) More on overnight camps: You ever tried tubing? Basically, it’s a small and circular flotation device with 4 handles (for a 2 person tube) and it is pulled behind a speedboat. SO MUCH FUN! One day, during an exceptionally hard water day, I went tubing and fell off. According to my brother, who was at the dock at the time, I “skimmed along the surface of the water like a thrown rock.” All I can remember was it really, really hurt!

15) I miss my old Nintendo Entertainment System (AKA the NES). Our grandparents brought it to us from the States, before it was even released in Canada. It was amazing. Some of the best games ever! Duck Hunt, Tetris, Super Mario Brothers 3 … the list goes on and on.

16) One of the most terrifying and thrilling moments of my life happened at the exact same time. It was when I went skydiving in Las Vegas last year with my brother. I was scared and exhilarated at the same time. By the time it was over, I was so pumped with adrenaline that I could not even stand! I would do it again in a heartbeat. Please see the video on Facebook ... it's AWESOME!

17) I’ve pet a cheetah … true story. Happened at a behind the scenes look at the Metro Toronto Zoo from a Reptile Biology (AKA Herpetology) course at York. Felt like a really, really big cat. It even purred when I pet it.

18) I want a pet snake. Preferably a python of some sort, like a Ball Python or a Green Tree Python. I do not know why I have such a fascination with reptiles, but I do. They are fantastic creatures, from which we should not be afraid of. They deserve our respect.

19) The celebrities I have met: Adam Sandler, Al Gore, Brent Spiner, Jonathan Frakes, Malcolm McDowell, Shawnee Smith, Sean Astin and Colin Farrell.

20) This is harder than I thought … Ummm, I like cheese

21) Everyone always asks if my twin and I ever used to play tricks in school, and we did, but not often. It was fun, though.

22) Halloween costumes I wore as a child: Home-made Ghostbuster outfit, Superman, Captain Hook, part of a 2-headed alien, Jason, the Devil, a Mad Scientist, and, an escaped mental patient (loved that one).

23) Turning 25 makes me feel old

24) When I was a kid, using an amateur science kit, I blew up our basement and sent our cat Mr. Fluffy to a different dimension … yeah, that’s not true. Never happened. Never even had a cat. It's tough to come up with 25 things! Had a dog, though.

25) And to end it off, a complete and utterly useless fact about animals:
A complete examination of 200,000 ostriches over 80 years showed that NONE were found to every bury their heads in the sand.

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Monday, July 20, 2009

When Home isn't Home, and the 40th Anniversary of Apollo 11!!!

Well, I'm sick.

I stayed home from work today, but they are still finding ways to slowly encroach upon my life. That being said, I have just a few short weeks left until I can finally cast aside the shackles of public affairs, and pick up the shackles of a Master's of Journalism. Joy.

It's not that I hate Ottawa, I don't. It's just not 'home.' You know?

Even though I've been here for almost a year, it's not home. When I think about my future, it is not in Ottawa. Ottawa is for politics, not scientists. Ottawa is where scientists go for money, I should know, as I currently work there.

But, to put a happier spin on this post, it is the 40th anniversary of the Moon landing. SO, here are 10 interesting space & moon facts:

- The official name of Earth's Moon is, "the Moon" with a capital M. All other moons are with a lower-case m to show the difference
- "Buzz" Aldrin's mother's maiden name was Moon, and his real first name is Edwin
- At 62,000 feet of elevation, without a pressure suit, your blood would boil (known as the Armstrong line)
- Every year, the Moon drifts 3.8 cm away from the Earth's gravity
- 55 per cent of Americans know that the sun is actually a star. What the other 45 per cent think it is, I have NO idea
- During a full Moon, the Earth's temperature increases by about 0.02 degrees
- There are THREE golf balls on the Moon
- Neil Armstrong's footprint on the surface of the Moon will remain intact for approximately 10 million years
- Only 20 seconds of fuel remained in Apollo 11's lunar lander when it landed on the Moon
- If you heat moon dust to 800 degrees Centigrade, it turns into water

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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

"Sir, it is time for you to write your book"

I was at work, and I saw that this movie will open up the Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF).

I had heard of it a while ago, but, like all the info we are exposed to everyday, it disappeared from thought.

So, with my intrigued rekindled, I watched the trailer.

It gave me CHILLS.

The man is my hero, and is a man of revolution. He changed the world, like few seldom have. He stood up to adversity, and faced critiques from all angles.

I have learned much about him from self-interest, my own research, and a course I took in university. He is one of the men I would have at my table, for that age-old question, 'If you could have dinner with three people, living or dead, who would they be?'

I have absolutely no reservations in saying that THIS man, through his life and what he achieved, changed my life. My love and interest of science has grown and evolved since I was a child, and I firmly believe that I would not feel as strongly about it if it were not for this man.

The man is, of course, Charles Darwin.

The movie is entitled "Creation," starring Paul Bettany as Charles, and Jennifer Connelly as his wife, Emma. It also stars Toby Jones as Thomas Huxley, Darwin's most feared and vocal supporter, earning the nickname "Darwin's bulldog."

Please watch the trailer, and I hope that I will be able to see this movie one-day.

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Tuesday, July 14, 2009

David, a Country Club, South Dakota, and a Delayed Space Shuttle Launch

I have been out of touch lately, I know.

For the past two days, I was stuck in a two-day office retreat at a Golf and Country club in Quebec. Now, I use the word 'retreat' sparingly, as it was not a fun event, not by a long shot. It was more of a, let's review our business practices, kinda thing.

As a summer student, I was told to go. And I knew that I would be bored, as all the information would be fairly useless to me. But, that did not prepare me for how bored EVERYONE ELSE was!

I saw lots of people falling asleep during the various presentations (I won't name names, for fear that they are following my blog), but some very high-level people were nodding off! It was very, very funny.

Because I have been out of the office, I have not had a chance to continue my story, and therefore could not complete the next chapter of my novel. It's ALMOST done, and should be up in a few days.

Before I get to some news, here is something that I was privy too today.

The golf and country club is VERY fancy, like, antique fireplaces, varnished wood and tablecloths kinda fancy. It also has tons of rich old people. During a break in the meetings, I stepped outside and saw three elderly gentlemen smoking cigars. An employee of the club approached them.

Employee: Excuse me sirs, but do you need any help?
**Old Man 1 looks at him from top to bottom**
Old Man 1 (in a Francophone accent): Son, you couldn't help me if you tried!
**All the men laughed, followed by the employee nervously chuckle**
**Old Man 2 took a looooong puff of his cigar**
Old Man 2 (in a dry British accent): Sorry son, but we're still waiting for another member of our party. You run along like a good chap.

I thought these types of things only happened in old movies! Old rich people golfing on a weekday, probably plotting shady business practices, new investments or who to leave out of their wills.

As for David news, I finally booked my trip to South Dakota! Why am I the only one cheering? ... Jerks.

I'll be leaving at the end of August for a few days to film Black-Footed Ferrets in South Dakota.

There are no direct flights from Toronto to South Dakota, apparently, because NO ONE GOES TO SOUTH DAKOTA!!! I just hope everything goes well there.

Lastly, the Space Shuttle is having a doozy of a time, eh? I don't think the shuttle Endeavour will EVER get off the ground. They were supposed to launch in June ... JUNE! And the launch has been delayed again, because of weather.

Makes you feel good about the mental power of NASA, when they delay a multi-billion dollar launch because of weather. Don't you think they would be able to forcast it? They're figgin NASA!

Despite the shuttle not launching yet, my article about it was.

The link is at the top right of your screen ... enjoy!!!!

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Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Geek News and Unique Characters on the Bus

Just a quick post today, as being bored at work today made me EXTRA sleepy.

- First off, remember those MacGruber skits from SNL? Yeah, they're making THAT into a movie. You heard me, a MacGruber movie
- Next, in more movie re-making Armageddon, the Blade trilogy is getting a reboot. Apparently, focusing on a half-vampire wasn't enough. The 'new' trilogy will focus on the villain from the first movie, Deacon Frost
- And lastly, a Geek God has written and directed the premiere of Dollhouse season 2. He is the series creator and love of Geek girls everywhere, Mr. Joss Whedon

For all those who are wondering, I am working hard on my next chapter of my novel. I have come up with a title, it's called "The Black." I will continue to post chapters as I write them onto my blog ... or perhaps even start a new one devoted entirely to it? I'm not too sure. Should be ready by the weekend, but, I cannot guarantee.

I saw a lot of interesting people on the bus ride home today. Everyone has a story, and I wonder what their are:
- The woman with a screaming child who says, "I wanted the RED ONE! RED ONE!"
- The female teenager with a black streak on her white tank-top
- A man reading a Calculus textbook
- A man in a business suit, with a large orange stain on his tie
- A woman reading the 4th Twilight book, dabbing at the tears flowing from her eyes
- Ans most bizarrely, a middle-aged woman wearing pantyhose on her left arm

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Monday, July 6, 2009

The Novel, Part II

So, here is the next chapter of the story/novel I am writing. Remember, it is only preliminary, and feel free to share and criticisms or comments. It's the only way I'll grow ;)

But, before the unveiling, some news!

- New trailer for Diablo Cody's latest, called Jennifer's Body. It's everything you would expect from her, and looks really, really good.
WARNING: TRAILER IS RATED R. Not suitable for kiddies, guy with heart problems, or excitable pee-ers.

- One of my favourite shows, Dexter, returns for season 4 on September 27th!

- In the land of Hollywood, movies are constantly being re-made into different versions of themselves. BUt, who ever would have thought that a movie would be turned into a TV show ... on ABC Family. The movie 10 Things I Hate About You, based on Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew, was released in 1999. I remember watching it in the theatre with my sister! And now, they are making a new show, entitled, surprise, surprise 10 Things I Hate ABout You.

And now, what you all have been (hopefully) waiting for!

And here's the title I'm thinking of for the story/novel ... The Black.

Here is the first chapter!!! Enjoy!!

Chapter 1

This is a tough thing to write. You know how when most people are kids, they have some sort of a journal? Well, this is sorta like that. But, this is more like a recollection of the events of the previous few weeks in my surprisingly busy life. I mean, with all the death and stuff that has happened around me, you would think I was in the middle of the Apocalypse.

Hahahahahahahahaha. Now that’s funny. I mean, like pee yourself laughing funny. But, I’m getting ahead of myself. You’ll understand that joke once I get started.

First, some background about your protagonist, me!

My name is Roger, and I am currently a 25 year old from New York City. I was born in Canada, but that doesn’t matter to the story.

I graduated high school, went to college, and got a degree in biomedical engineering and ancient history. Eccelctic resume, eh?

I now work for a biotechnology company known as ANUBIS. It stands for some stupid shit that makes no sense, but, it’s a job.

According to the business card in my wallet, right next to the wallet condom that every guy has, ANUBIS stands for ANother Unique Biological Investigative System.

My specific job description is that I am a laboratory technician. It’s as boring as it sounds.

Basically, I do all the grunt work that the egg-heads are too busy to do. I receive experimental drugs from different companies or researchers, and test them on various animals (anything ranging from mice to monkeys).

Now we can get started.

It all began about six weeks ago.

I had just broken up with my girlfriend, Rachel, and was pretty down in the dumps about my life. Yeah, it’ s sappy and cliché, but what do you want me to say? It’s the truth, and believe me, this truth is stranger than any fiction you could ever imagine.

Right. So, here begins the story.

I awoke from my sleep with a jolt. I vaguely remembered having a strange dream about a man in a hotel room laughing. It was slightly disconcerting, but, it was only a dream.

The dream slowly faded away, like all dreams do, given enough time. Shaking it off, I them proceeded with my usual morning routine.

Stretch, Poop, Stretch, Eat, Shower, Pee, Change and leave the apartment by 8 am.

Like a Swiss watch. Always perfectly timed. Except today.

I sneezed while stretching, couldn’t poop, was out of cereal and toilet paper, and I forgot to do the laundry. Because of all those things, I left the apartment at 8:23 am. Twenty-three minutes later than I should have.

What would have happened if I had left at my normal time of 8 am?

To be honest, I did not know. But I do know that I wouldn’t be where I am right now, writing my ipso-facto memoirs, so that what happened to me, my friends and the planet, will not be lost by the annals of history.

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Thursday, July 2, 2009

David and his Soapbox

Well, it’s that time of the week again. I am once again bored outta my mind at work, and trying in vain to think of something to do.

Therefore, I have decided to try something a little different with this blog post (taken from the page of the oh-so-glorious TheParkBench, TheParkBench) and celebrate the nerdy way of life.

First off, the news:

- Uranium found on the Moon

Uranium … was found on the moon. Yeah, exactly.

According to the article, a Japanese probe has identified Uranium particles on the surface of the Moon. The article states that this could potentially pave the way for future settlements on the moon. And yet, all I could think of was something from the great nerd TV show, Futurama. That if this does happen, all that will result is a campy Disneyland on the surface of the moon.

Which reminds me, I should get a Fun-gineering degree.

- Kari Byron, the fantastically gorgeous member of Mythbusters (in actuality, the only girl on the show), has given birth! She gave birth to, according to a Tweet from Grant Imahara (one of her two co-horts in the busting of myths and @grantimahara on Twitter), that “Stella Ruby born 11:35pm 6/28/09, 42 hours of labor, weight: 8lbs 12oz. Both Kari & baby in good health.”

- I have been saying it for as long as I can remember, and it pains me to say this, but over 800 unique and wonderful species have gone extinct within the last 500 years. And the worst part is, according to a report by the IUCN (International Union on Conservation of Nature), that over 5,000 species are now at risk!
According to the report, “The new analysis shows 869 species became extinct or extinct in the wild since the year 1500 while 290 more species are considered critically endangered and possibly extinct. At least 16,928 species are threatened with extinction, including nearly one-third of amphibians, more than one in eight birds and nearly a quarter of mammals.”

Over 800 Species Extinct!

Seriously people. Something must be done. If we loose our wondrous biodiversity now, it will be gone forever. Forever is such as scary word, but aptly fits this scenario.

Well, turns out my MRP is increasing in relevance every single day. First newspaper coverage on Black-Footed Ferrets (which I will be visiting at the end of August to film), 2010 being named the official year of Biodiversity (WOO!) and now a report by the IUCN declaring over 5,000 species at risk of extinction.

And now, to end this small rant, three final words:


And now, becasue I really should not end a blog post on a slightly sad note, here is an article that is funny, and yet, disturbing simultaneously. Check it out, it's very telling about advertising and the media that was represented at the time.

Top 10 Ironic Ads from History

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