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The definitive host: Impending work load causes student's brain to explode

The definitive host

de·fin·i·tive host (duh-fin'eh-tiv) n. 1) An organism where a parasite undergoes the adult and sexual stages of its reproductive cycle 2) Someone you go to for interesting stories and/or facts, and puts on one hell of a dinner party 3) This blog, devoted to science and other geeky subjects

Monday, November 3, 2008

Impending work load causes student's brain to explode

A Carleton University student has suffered what doctor's are calling a bizarre case of sudden brain explosion.

David Manly, 24, was a first year student in Carleton's prestigious Master's of Journalism course. He was one of only 20 other students accepted this past September.

Friends cannot believe that David died so suddenly and without warning. "I'm shocked," said best friend Nicole Willman. "I cannot believe he is gone, and I never got to say goodbye!" she said, her voice cracking with emotion.

Natalie Stechyson, a fellow journalism student was so broken up, that her words were completely unintelligible. In between the sobs and the gasps for air, only one sentence was audible, "Who will I talk to about gossip now?"

According to the medical examiner, "David's ever increasing stress levels and workload caused a change in his brain. He was a ticking time bomb," Dr. Ron Albert said. "I would advise ALL students to relax immediately and de-stress. For their own safety," he said.

David's Monday began like any other, as he went to class at 8:30 a.m. and attended his class. One of his fellow students, Colin Zak, sat beside him and said that, "He looked a little stressed, but he said that it was a bad morning. He seemed to relax after a little bit," said Zak.

Following that, he went to his afternoon class with fellow student Chloe Fedio. "We had presentations all day today, and it wasn't that bad of a class," she said.

"After class, on the way to the bus, he did seem a little stressed. But I didn't pay it much attention," said Fedio.

At 7pm, his body was found by Officer John Johnson on a routine patrol of an old woodlot, where he takes as a shortcut home.

"I have never seen anything like it," said Johnson. "He looked perfectly normal, just laying there, like he was asleep."

"I expected him to be in class tomorrow," said Claire Brownell, a fellow Master's student. "He will be greatly missed," she said.

His family has declined comment, wishing for privacy in their grief.

"Students are experiencing an exponential increase in workload and stress as the term comes to an end," said Dr. Albert.

"Do something that relaxes you, anything! So that David's death not need be in vain," said Dr. Albert.


At November 3, 2008 at 7:17 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok Dude - this post was funny at times and at other times it totally freaked me out!!! Have a stiff drink...it will calm you down :P

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